so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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