I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
