I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
