i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
