I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
