how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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