I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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