Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
