The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
