living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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