i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
