If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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