Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
