I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
