The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
