a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we should paint friendship bongs
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