How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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