Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
