and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
