is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
