i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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