The maid of honor just puked.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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