My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
