so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
