Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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