So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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