Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
