I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
