the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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