I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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