But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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