He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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