o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There r osticjed everywhere
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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