so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
