I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
