The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
