she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
