Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
