I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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