did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
