i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
