saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
