Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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