i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
