Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
