Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
