we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
