I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
