you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
