He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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