I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
