im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
