Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Mom said you looked used
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
