dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
