I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
