Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
