Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
